August 2020
Nostalgia is defined as a sentimental longing for a past that associates with happy times. I rarely long for the near past. As I feel more happy times can be recreated.
My nostalgia usually is for the time before my nanny passed away when I turned 11. I get nostalgic about laying on her legs as a toddler with a pillow on her feet and she is rocking me side to side to help me fall asleep while singing an Azeri lullaby.
Her name was Mahboubeh, meaning the “beloved”. I long for the time that I was her one and only love and all her intrinsic passion was to make sure I am comfortable and protected from disease and other kids. She would sneak me to the kitchen and feed me the best piece of meat from the menu. She would discriminate against my older sisters and always took my side and could not stand seeing my tears. She reminds me of the lady in the movie, The Help. Though I don’t remember explicitly, but I imagine she would take me aside and talk to me like the nanny in the movie. May be she too would tell me: “you is kind, you is smart, you is important”.
My Mahboobeh made me feel safe, special, and loved. Now, it will be hard to recreate that time. These days, however, I sense another beloved who is tacitly showing me that same love, safety, and feeling special. And I am grateful!
Here is a song for that new beloved:
AMBKJ