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Indolence

December 2020

Lately, I feel indolence sneaking its way into my life.... Well, it’s not really lately, it’s been about 4 years. In 2016, I had a major burnout, where I held a high-level job, while teaching classes at night, finishing up my dissertation, running a household, and nursing Nemo the dog from his coyote attack!



Yes, since then...any form of pressure, will take me directly to the couch in a vegetative state in front of the TV.


Frankly, that is why I’ve learned to pace myself, so I can minimize my vegetative state. Those who know me well, from pre-2016, were annoyed by how much I can get done in a day. My to-do list was long and every day, all items were checked off before bed.


After 2016 burnout, my to-do list shrunk, and if the list had few items left, it would shamelessly carry over to the next day!


The 2019 trip to India was good. Two and a half months of minimum electronic use, no cooking, no pets, and no household chores! I came back refreshed and ready to change the world!


Then, the pandemic came, and being the main wheel of the house has been exhausting! (I don’t mean the financial wheel, but the nitty gritty detailed work, that no one wants to do or even phantoms it may exist). Frankly, I am finding myself on the couch more often, than I like to admit. Especially, when the essential work has been addressed! I call this indolence!


Now...for someone like me, who I can easily call high octane oil or the energizer battery bunny, being lazy still means getting more done than the average person. But slowing down, in the past 4 years has been good for my mental and physical health.


“burnout” is a real psychological and physical phenomenon and could become chronic, if left untreated. I consider myself lucky to have the means, while being self-aware and grounded enough to address this issue. Some of the ways I have addressed the 2016 burnout, is to be kind to myself (Even when the world is not). I go for hikes, make zoom meetings with friends and family, take mini trips, time myself on the amount of TV I watch. I still have to moderate my social media use. That’s on my to-do list!


I am only human, and I should have never allowed myself to reach the burnout phase, but now that I have, I am managing it to the best of my ability without taking medication. Writing this was not easy, admitting one has a problem is never easy, but admittance is the first step to full recovery!


ABMKJ

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