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  • Writer's pictureRoxy SZN

Having it All Together

Updated: Jan 31, 2021

July 2020

There are days, that I wake up and feel I got this. The wheel of life is in my hands and I can drive it anywhere I please. What an amazing control to feel that way❣ Those are the days I know my inner loving self is comfortable enough to peak out and give me the confidence to help me through the day.

Then some trigger, whether a comment, a reading, a post, makes me think about how others perceive me. (the good and bad). Naturally, because of our survival instincts, we as humans, tend to linger over the bad thoughts. Those are times that the wheel leaves my control.

I have learned throughout the years (thank god) to let go of the wheel when that happens. Because the more I control it, the further I go from the place I want to be.

So aging has thought me, I have zero control of how others see me. And as a famous quote goes: “what others think of me is none of my business”!

Reacting to what others think of me, has been disastrous for me, in the past. I have learned to let go of the wheel and simply focus on where I want to be and who I know I am.

What has helped me with taking the wheel back, is a list of common, sub-conscious irrational beliefs that are based on the work of Albert Ellis. He is the one who has developed Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy.

Here is his list of subconscious IRRATIONAL beliefs:

1. I must do well and get the approval of everybody who matters to me or I will be a worthless person.

2. Other people must treat me kindly and fairly or else they are bad.

3. I must have an easy, enjoyable life or I cannot enjoy living at all.

4. All the people who matter to me must love me and approve of me or it will be awful.

5. I must be a high achiever, or I will be worthless.

6. Nobody should ever behave badly and if they do I should condemn them.

7. I mustn’t be frustrated in getting what I want and if I am it will be terrible.

8. When things are tough, and I am under pressure I must be miserable and there is nothing I can do about this.

9. When faced with the possibility of something frightening or dangerous happening to me I must obsess about it and make frantic efforts to avoid it.

10. I can avoid my responsibilities and dealing with life’s difficulties and still be fulfilled.

11. My past is the most important part of my life and it will keep on dictating how I feel and what I do.

12. Everybody and everything should be better than they are and, if they’re not, it’s awful.

13. I can be as happy as is possible by doing as little as I can and by just enjoying myself.

I don’t expect to be in charge at all time. I do however aim at being 100% in charge of how I REACT to this hijack.


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