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  • Writer's pictureRoxy SZN


The dictionary defines epiphany as a “moment of sudden revelation or insight”. This note is dedicated to my latest epiphany. Here is the story:

I had my first workout for half hour with a personal trainer overseas. She is a friend of a friend and a beautiful woman with a Ph.D. in physical education. Besides hoping to support woman in business, I also found her rates more in synch with my budget. We met via a videocall on my phone, and I projected the session on a big screen. All was good and dandy, until I had a glimpse of my face from an angle that I have never seen before. Especially, since at home I don’t look at myself too much in the mirror.

Moreover, here is a confession: Zoom has a feature called “enhance your looks” which I have utilized since its inception. So, this past year, due to Covid, in Zoom video conferences, I tricked myself and others to see me as this lovely middle-aged woman, with subtle facial features, perfect skin, gorgeous eyebrows, eyes with no spider legs, and a proportionate nose! Furthermore, sadly, being blessed with my mom’s photogenic genes, I tend to fool folks on photos and when they meet me in person, most are UNpleasantly surprised! Accordingly, I have been living a fantasy this past year while associating with friends, family, colleagues, and students on Zoom. Anyway, yesterday not using Zoom, helped me see myself as I am, and the instance was quite humbling.

No, the epiphany is not about me realizing I am getting old. Keep reading… But before I share my newly found insight; I want to apologize to everyone for my over inflated confidence on zoom this past year. LOL!

Please note that deep down inside, I am cognizant that we all are in a circle: the circle of life. I understand the law of nature: gravity is real, matter decays, and nothing stays the same (well, for some lucky individuals, either with amazing genes or loads of money for plastic surgery this process is delayed). Frankly, I have noticed the deep wrinkles on my forehead as they are visible from far far away. And honestly, I have been proud to earn them and even show them off, because each line depicts a triumph or a challenge in my life.

Absurdly, what surprised me yesterday, was how my self-image shifted so quickly. I was rivetted by how this past year, illusion snuck its naughty way into my head. Paradoxically, Thanks to all the self-help books, classes, and years of therapy; I consider myself somewhat self-aware. The real epiphany was this: I am still vulnerable to illusion. This revelation caused me to bring my guards up moving forward.

If illusion can still trick me like this, imagine how damaging it can be on the less mature and the meek!? It’s wonderful to see companies like Dove soap, take initiative to combat the distorted views of beauty. I’ve attached below two of their ads. They are wonderful:

So, folks, this is who I am, somewhat chubby, with deep wrinkles and a beautiful eagle nose. Though I was kidding myself for a while, and found it playful, I knew all along, we are not this body. We are all smidgins of light that have drifted from our source and have worn these bodies to find our way back, just like the photo below. As always, I am grateful…for you, and for this imperfect, yet perfect for me body.


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